i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
