So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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