I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
