What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
