Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
tonight lets celebrate not being married
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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