The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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