Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
