I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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