Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
