We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
