WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
