come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
