So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
