I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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