no, he came in my armpit
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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