Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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