is your mom at the bar?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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