omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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