Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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