Yo dont text me then not text me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
