dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
