there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
