you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
