Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
