Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
