i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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