I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
