Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize