i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
