I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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