You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize