My room smells like vodka and shame
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
