I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
