I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
