And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
