3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
