did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
In America we eat man semen.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
