party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
