I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
