I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
