I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
