so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize