I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
