Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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