i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
