the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
