dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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