if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
