I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
