areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
