no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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