they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize