You really coming over, don't trick.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
