I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just invented taco cereal.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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