She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
