Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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