She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
