we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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