I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
