I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
