if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
