Porn is love you can see.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
