I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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