Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
