I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
