So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
