Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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