I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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