sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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