i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
