i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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