Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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