Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
