I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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