Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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